In today’s thrilling episode of “this is probably a sign of depression”, I pondered, if I lived up to my potential, if I did enough, and if it was enough. And the big thought in my head right now is, could I have been a lawyer?
Background: I have a bachelor’s degree in Computer Science. I do IT for a living. My high school Grade Point Average was in the 3’s. My college GPA was not. I was in Honors and Advanced Placement classes in High School in Math and Science courses. My English classes were always Regents-level, and Social Studies was only in AP for US History in 11th grade. This is to say, I had enough natural ability in Math and Science to make it in the AP classes without trying, and no natural ability in the others. Even now, I can’t tell if it was due to a lack of trying, or just not understanding what was needed in English and Social Studies to get an A. Regardless, I have known people throughout high school and college that became lawyers, and I know a few lawyers today, and I think I’m as smart as them, so I think the capacity is there, but the will was always lacking.
So after writing all of that down and reflecting on it, maybe it’s good that I’m not a lawyer. From what I understand, practicing law requires a lot of reading and writing, which I was clearly not interested in even when I was in high school. And it’s not even cool and sexy writing either. It’s all… caselaw and citations and arguments. Bleh.
And this maybe isn’t material to my crisis, but while I did grow up in a middle class family, I don’t know if we were “attend law school” rich. It would have required oodles of student loans that would have locked me into a law-related career whether I liked the field or not. And one of the things I’m grateful for today is that I don’t have any student loan debt.
All in all, I picked comfortable routes all my life, and am currently exactly that: comfortable. I’m not saving the world or doing anything a bystander would consider “great”. I go to work, come home, and partake in whatever gaming thing I’m currently interested in, and I try to catch up on a Star Trek series I’ve fallen behind on. And I have a cat who I guess is grateful that I feed her every day, but she’s a cat so who can say how grateful she actually is.
Could I have been a lawyer? Maybe. Would I have liked it? Debatable. Does the world need another lawyer? … probably not.
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